Please … I beg of you … do not let this moment of power, this fleeting experience of being the arbiters of history, all the promises, bribes, and back room deals, the notoriety and reporters hounding your steps … do not let these things distract you from your appointed job: enforce the rules. Not: rewrite the rules. Not: adjust the rules ever so slightly. Not: suspend the rules just this once due to unique and unforeseen circumstances. Try to maintain your grip on reality — remember you will be going home on Monday to your ordinary and unremarkable lives — and act with some degree of responsibility.

And, to all those undeclared super-delegates: If I had a supersonic airplane, I would fly to each of your houses and give you a solid kick in the ass, you over-inflated, power-hungry, and selfish squibs! Declare already!