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I am not a big fan of memes but here I am, creating a meme! So, if you are reading this, consider yourself tagged. This meme is in the spirit of end-of-the-year reflections/resolutions.
Early in 2008, I heard the author Annie Lamott speak. I’m not a huge Lamott fan — I find her kind of christianity-lite as disturbing as the fire-brand variety — but someone gave me tickets so I went. One of the things Lamott talked about were the bravest things she had done in 2007 — and I was struck by a desire to be able to enumerate my own brave acts. I’ve been thinking about the question all year and, voila, a meme is born!
Meme: What are the bravest things you did in 2008?
1. Studied yoga with a yoga master. Even though I’ve been practicing for some years, I was still incredibly intimidated to go to an intensive yoga workshop with a guru renowned for both his ability and his irascible temper. But, I overcame my insecurities and fears and it turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences of the year, deepening my practice in profound ways.
2. Unsupported headstand. Again, even though I’ve been doing yoga for a while, I have really struggled with one particular posture, an unsupported headstand. (For the non-yogis, this means doing a headstand without resting your feet on the wall.) For some reason, which only a good psychologist could probably discern, this pose awakens acute anxiety within me. But, I’ve been working on it slowly, steadily, trying not to judge myself for my failures and suddenly this year, I began to find a way into the pose. This year I began to conquer my fear of falling.
3. Submitted my book manuscript to an academic press. Technically, I first submitted my ms. to a UP in 2007 but had to do so again in 08 and, not surprisingly, it was as terrifying the second time as the first — maybe more so because I had failed the first time and now recognized the stakes.
4. Began working on revisions to my book manuscript. As my readers know, I was requested to revise and resubmit my ms. and was thrown into a terrible funk about it. After avoiding the whole thing for several months, thanks to the collective spirit of InDWriMo, I was able to start working on it again — but it was an act of sheer will to overcome all the recurring self-hatred, insecurity, and fear that my book provokes. (Of course, the revisions are not completed but I am giving myself credit for simply starting. So there.)
5. Blogging. I started this blog in 07, but it is really in the past year that I’ve been pursuing it with greater (although inconsistent) dedication. Some would say that there is nothing brave about publishing your mental ramblings anonymously on the web, but I would beg to differ. Blogging goes completely against certain aspects of my character: introversion, secrecy, never revealing myself, never making myself vulnerable, fleeing from human contact rather than seeking it out. I consider this blog to be a brave stance against those bad habits — and hopefully a practice that will help me cultivate better and more social ones in RL.
What are your bravest moments of the year?
more animals
You know what sucks?
It sucks when you are working on revising your book manuscript and the reviewer has asked that you beef up your discussion of a particular historical event which is, at best, ancillary to your topic of discussion … and then, when you go to do a little further reading on said historical event you discover that there is a HUGE DEBATE amongst historians about whether it ever even happened.
Not just any little ol’ historical event — one of those basic, formative, everyone’s-heard-of-it historical events. It’s like discovering that historians have decided that the Crusades might have been a story constructed by a few guys with a printing press. So everything you thought you knew about the Crusades — and your rather general references to this “historical fact” in your ms., because why do you need to say anything more about such a well-known “historical fact” anyway? — suddenly have to be reformed with reference to the possibility that some annoying historians have argued it away altogether.
Thanks a lot historians! You make it very difficult for us modern literary critics to make the cursory gestures towards “historical context” that allow us to claim to be responsible, historically grounded scholars while actually not giving a damn about you and your little disagreements about “what really happened.”
I want my Crusades back.
Dear Family and Friends,
Please stop telling me that you are so envious of me and my long holiday. Please stop congratulating me on having so much free time that I must not know what to do with myself. Please stop saying that you wish you were lucky enough to be a teacher so you, too, could have a month off and thus could finish all your christmas shopping early, bake loads of holiday cookies, decorate your house, and generally embrace the holiday spirit with gusto.
Remember all the previous times when I have informed you that, actually, I am busiest and most stressed out over my “holidays” because those are the times I have to squeeze in a massive amount of intellectual work — much of it excruciatingly painful and difficult — in order to keep my job? Remember when I explained to you about this thing called “tenure” that is looming in my near future and what I told you about anxiety attacks, insomnia, depression, therapy, and high alcohol consumption? Remember that?
Now double it and you’ll have some sense of the “holiday” before me.
Thanks, BSG
I live in a neighborhood of older homes and many, many mature trees. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons Golden Boy and I bought our house — we wanted an older home surrounded by lots of big trees for both environmental and aesthetic reasons. I can’t stand most newly constructed homes, which feel like they’re built out of cardboard and have little scrubby treelings held up with wire adorning the front yards.
Everyday now when I walk my dog, I pass by an empty lot on my block where someone plans to build a new home. And everyday I lament this scene:
As you can see from the multitude of orange tape, they plan to cut down virtually every tree on the lot — over 40 trees by my estimation. Okay, I understand that they need to clear the lot in order to get a house in there, but they don’t have to take down all the trees!
Why, why build a house in this neighborhood if you aren’t interested in having some trees? Surely that is part of the appeal — that it’s such a cool, shady, established neighborhood?
Oh, humanity, when will you learn?
It’s that time of year, when thoughts turn to the frantic question of “what the hell am I going to do about xmas gifts??” I am a notorious scrooge when it comes to the xmas holidays. I’ve lobbied many times to have my family either forgo gift giving or to ignore the holidays altogether. I dream of travelling to a non-Christian, non-western country in late December, the kind of place where people treat Dec. 25 like any other day.
But, I live in the US and my family and friends — even the non-Christian ones, even the Jewish ones! — celebrate xmas and expect me to do so as well. So, I cave in to the gift-giving pressure but I also make an effort to shop well and give thoughtfully.
In my opinion, the best holiday gifts meet the following criteria:
• Cost very little. I strive to break the cycle of consumerism by not buying into (heh heh) the idea that the best gifts are the ones that cost more.
• Involve very little material expense or waste. In other words, very little natural resources or artificial materials had to go into either the production, distribution, or packaging of the item.
• Can be purchased from the maker directly or at least purchased from an independent store owner. I will do just about anything to avoid buying gifts at the big box stores or from any corporate entity.
• Are made from organic, natural, non-toxic, or locally produced materials. I put this one last because it’s the hardest criteria to satisfy — especially if you are also trying to spend less money.
My holiday gift to you, my devoted readers, is the following TOP TEN HOLIDAY GIFT IDEAS. (Eat your heart out, Oprah.) I hope that you will share your own gift ideas, especially those that fit the above criteria, either in the comments or on your own blogs. (Please link to this post so I can see what you have to say!) I should add that most of the ideas are for adults; I don’t really have a clue what to give children — especially since it seems that kids these days (insert grumpy shaking of fist here) only want gadgets with lots of lights and sound effects.
1. The gift of activity. This is my favorite gift to give and to receive. Rather than give an object — another thing to own or dispose of — give the gift of an experience: movie tickets, tickets to a concert or play, membership at a museum or arboretum, a few yoga classes, music lessons, a massage, a reservation at the handball court, etc. Now, this gift can certainly be costly — depending on the event or location — but it also involves the least waste of material goods and the highest likelihood of enjoyment.
2. Restocking the spice rack. Everyone knows that you are supposed to replace your dried herbs and spices every year but, yeah right, who does that? I tend to hold onto dried herbs and ground spices for years, until they lose all semblance of flavor. So, how about giving a selection of standard cooking herbs (basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme) and spices (cinnamon, coriander, curry)? If you buy in bulk at your local Whole Foods (or equivalent) or at the farmer’s market (if you are so lucky), you can package the herbs/spices yourself in nice — and recyclable! — packaging.
3. Magazine subscription. The gift that keeps giving throughout the year. Every month your friend/family member will be reminded how wonderful you are. A nice and easily recyclable gift.
4. Going green gift. Almost all of us are in the process of going more green but the shift over from conventional ways to more environmentally friendly ones can be expensive. So, give basic green items to help. For example, we all know that we’re supposed to stop using plastic containers for storing food (you knew that right?) and start using glass. Give the gift of some pretty glass food containers like these at the Container Store or these by Pyrex. Or give a bottle of Dr. Bonner’s Liquid Soap and an empty spray bottle for mixing a safe home cleaner. (For more ideas of “green gifts,” check out TreeHugger’s Holiday Gift Idea List.)
5. Books from Persphone Books. This independent press in London reprints popular “middle-brow” fiction from the early 20th C, mostly by women. The books are exquisitely made with reproductions of fabric patterns on the endpages. Not only are they beautiful objects, the novels themselves are a revelation — strange, quirky, and incredibly fun.
6. Textiles. There is just about nothing better than a soft, sensuous scarf or hat made from a fine (or even organic!) textile. If you are not crafty yourself, visit your local yarn shop where you might find items for sale. You can also do some online shopping at Redneck Mother’s Crafty Mother’s Corner.
7. Cookbooks. Talk about a gift with almost endless happiness attached. For a small expense, you can guarantee many days of good eating (if the recipient is willing, of course). My suggestion: Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything, pretty much an indispensable contribution to any kitchen.
8. The best book you’ve read this year — something that really meant something to you. And, you should be prepared to explain why, either in your xmas card, a note in the opening of the book, or verbally — a significant part of the gift is the story of its meaning to you. For me, it would be Michael Chabon’s Yiddish Policeman’s Union, which is a stellar piece of storytelling and continues Chabon’s record of being the guy whose novels I am least interested in upon first description (imaginary Jewish settlement in Alaska? No thanks) and yet who always transports and enraptures me.
9. Gifts for pets. If you know anyone who dotes on their pets, speaks about them as their children and to them as if they were children (“aren’t yu da cootiest wittle puppy”), give them a gift for their pet. Speaking as a person who is guilty of telling people at length about my cats’ special diet or my dog’s gastrointestinal issues (yes, I’m one of those), I would take a gift for my pet as a sign that the gift-giver recognized the importance my pets have to me — not to mention the fun I would derive from seeing my animal’s fun. I don’t think any dog can resist the charms of a grunting stuffed hedgehog (like this one). I don’t have any specific recommendations for cats because, of course, they will hate whatever you give them — they’re cats after all.
10. Charitable donation. It takes a special person to receive a charitable donation made in their name as a gift, and not feel slighted about not getting a “real” gift. (Trust me, I’ve given charitable donations to family members who were distinctly cranky about not getting some cheap piece of crap instead.) So, choose wisely. But, if you’ve got a selfless and generous soul in your family/circle of friends, there’s nothing better than giving in their name. If you don’t know them already, Heifer International has made holiday charity easy and appealing. But, there are an infinite number of causes: your local animal shelter, the homeless shelter(s) in your town, Doctors Without Borders, Planned Parenthood, you name it.
While I am at it, let me just add that one of the most distressing thing to me about the holidays is the amount of waste not only in the gifts themselves but in the wrapping paper, bows, cards, and etc. It breaks my heart when I walk through my neighborhood on the trash day after xmas and see piles of garbage bags filled with xmas wrapping — a few minutes of unwrapping pleasure followed by a lifetime in a landfill. So, please: re-usable gift bags (don’t throw them out! save them for next year!), recycled xmas wrapping, no more useless, unnecessary tissue paper (I’m on a personal campaign against the stupidity of tissue paper), creative wrapping like brown paper grocery sacks or left over cereal boxes, or wrap everything in a new kitchen towel that becomes part of the gift. It’s not the wrapping, stupid, it’s the gift that matters.
A simple stir-fry, but so good.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when you sleepily open your email, before you’ve even had a cup of coffee, and discover in your in-box a flashy announcement of a new scholarly book that HAS PRACTICALLY THE SAME TITLE AS YOUR (UNPUBLISHED) BOOK.
Let’s say the title of your book manuscript is: American Nationalism and the Spectacle of the Black Body in the Novels of Toni Morrison.**
Let’s say the book that has just been published is: Indian Nationalism and the Spectacle of the Colonial Body in the Novels of Amitav Gosh.
Really, what are your options? You’ve got to change your own title, because — even though you’d developed your title years earlier, had circulated many proposals and drafts with said title, and have been advertising it as such on your CV — you’ll look like a copy cat.
Sometimes, I hate this profession.
** Needless to say, neither of these resemble the actual title or subject matter, but you get the idea.
Dear Lady Who Works At My University,
It is true that I am young(ish)** and female. It is also true that I was wearing jeans. You would certainly be excused from thinking, on a quick glance, that I am a student and not a faculty member. But, once you interacted with me, once I had begun to ask questions that no student would ask, surely it should have dawned on you that I am a faculty member and, therefore, authorized to ask for certain services that you are supposed to provide.
I waited patiently while you assisted two other faculty members before me — both male — so I am aware that you are capable of providing said services with a level of professionalism, accuracy, and even (dare I say it?) a little harmless flirtation. It seems patently obvious that you could have answered the questions I asked you, but that you chose not to. Your rudeness and unhelpfulness were quite a marked change from your behavior towards the two before me. What am I to make of your attitude: that you thought I was an impertinent student taking up your precious time (when surely even students deserve a modicum of politeness) or that you are a misogynist bitch? I am definitely leaning towards the latter.
So, thank you, Lady, for putting me in my place, reminding me that neither my advanced degree, my many years of labor for this university, or my status as a human being make me worthy of your assistance.
For that I would require a penis.
Sincerely, The Bittersweet Girl
** I’m not even that young anymore. I am no longer young enough to be considered youthfully beautiful, to get out of bed in the morning without a few groans and stretches, or to eat anything I want without consequence. But I am apparently still young enough to be disrespected. I fear that I will be that young until I am suddenly old enough to be disrespected for being an old lady.
