I am not a big fan of memes but here I am, creating a meme! So, if you are reading this, consider yourself tagged. This meme is in the spirit of end-of-the-year reflections/resolutions.
Early in 2008, I heard the author Annie Lamott speak. I’m not a huge Lamott fan — I find her kind of christianity-lite as disturbing as the fire-brand variety — but someone gave me tickets so I went. One of the things Lamott talked about were the bravest things she had done in 2007 — and I was struck by a desire to be able to enumerate my own brave acts. I’ve been thinking about the question all year and, voila, a meme is born!
Meme: What are the bravest things you did in 2008?
1. Studied yoga with a yoga master. Even though I’ve been practicing for some years, I was still incredibly intimidated to go to an intensive yoga workshop with a guru renowned for both his ability and his irascible temper. But, I overcame my insecurities and fears and it turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences of the year, deepening my practice in profound ways.
2. Unsupported headstand. Again, even though I’ve been doing yoga for a while, I have really struggled with one particular posture, an unsupported headstand. (For the non-yogis, this means doing a headstand without resting your feet on the wall.) For some reason, which only a good psychologist could probably discern, this pose awakens acute anxiety within me. But, I’ve been working on it slowly, steadily, trying not to judge myself for my failures and suddenly this year, I began to find a way into the pose. This year I began to conquer my fear of falling.
3. Submitted my book manuscript to an academic press. Technically, I first submitted my ms. to a UP in 2007 but had to do so again in 08 and, not surprisingly, it was as terrifying the second time as the first — maybe more so because I had failed the first time and now recognized the stakes.
4. Began working on revisions to my book manuscript. As my readers know, I was requested to revise and resubmit my ms. and was thrown into a terrible funk about it. After avoiding the whole thing for several months, thanks to the collective spirit of InDWriMo, I was able to start working on it again — but it was an act of sheer will to overcome all the recurring self-hatred, insecurity, and fear that my book provokes. (Of course, the revisions are not completed but I am giving myself credit for simply starting. So there.)
5. Blogging. I started this blog in 07, but it is really in the past year that I’ve been pursuing it with greater (although inconsistent) dedication. Some would say that there is nothing brave about publishing your mental ramblings anonymously on the web, but I would beg to differ. Blogging goes completely against certain aspects of my character: introversion, secrecy, never revealing myself, never making myself vulnerable, fleeing from human contact rather than seeking it out. I consider this blog to be a brave stance against those bad habits — and hopefully a practice that will help me cultivate better and more social ones in RL.
What are your bravest moments of the year?
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December 29, 2008 at 9:31 pm
squadratomagico
Bravo for you! I think all of those merit the “brave” title! And I’m going to do this meme myself!
In regard to number 2: I’m comforted to learn that I am not the only longtime yogini with this particular stumbling block! I’m nearing the end of my third year of astanga and I still cannot do an unsupported headstand ~ ugh! Moreover, it’s my teacher’s favorite pose (she gets excited about activating the crown chakra), and she is seriously distressed about my inability to manage it. Everyone I know who has been at this for a while can do it… except me!
I’ve been slowly inching away from the wall, so I can do the pose with my feet free, but if I start to fall over I can bend at the knee and find the wall for support. But I hear you on the struggle for this one!
December 30, 2008 at 9:29 pm
squadratomagico » Blog Archive » brave new year meme
[...] BitterSweet Girl has initiated a new meme for the New Year that I find particularly useful: list the steps you took over the past year that required courage. I find this appealing because my principal axiom for creating a rich, multidimensional life has been to reject fear-based reasoning whenever I am aware that it is influencing my decisions. I think this is the single most powerful tool available to us all for gaining a more stimulating set of memories and experiences. [...]
December 30, 2008 at 11:47 pm
bsgirl
Ah, I’m also glad to discover I’m not alone with the headstand struggle! It has given me a great deal of shame to have not been able to do this easily and well — especially when I see many new yoga students just fly up into headstand without a care in the word. But, for me, it has been a nemesis pose — and I think adopting an attitude of humility towards it, accepting that it had something to teach me through a long struggle and lots of patience, has been more meaningful than many other poses that I can do with relative ease. I did the same as you, Squadratomagico, for a long time — just near enough to the wall to give myself a sense of comfort. But, I finally got away from the wall last month so, it can be done!
January 1, 2009 at 2:49 pm
maude lebowski
well, you’re not alone, see, with the headstand struggles. actually, i have heard and read that people by and large are scared of the head and hand stand, both supported and unsupported because you really have to let go to be in the moment of it, and you are literally turning your world upside down. i haven’t done an unsupported headstand, but i cannot even get to the supported handstand yet, so bravo to you!! you are, indeed, a brave brave woman.
January 12, 2009 at 12:59 am
Mel
You are amazingly brave! I am totally in awe and inspired.
and I love this idea for a meme (even if I am late to it.)