Oh Book, you are like a very bad relationship I cannot get out of.

You are like that boy/girl friend who’s always hanging around, showing up at inappropriate times, calling intermittently and late at night — but always expects to be the center of attention. Always demands my full concentration. Takes and takes but never gives.

When I finally find some time to devote to you, you pout about being neglected and I have to slowly coax you back. I have to lavish you with attention even when I don’t want to, just to get anything done.

I complain to all of my friends about you — and have been complaining for years. They are sick and tired of hearing about how much you suck. They tell me, “Dump his ass!” But I can’t dump you — we’ve been together for so long now, I don’t want to have devoted all this time for nothing! They tell me, “Don’t let her treat you that way! You deserve better.” But I don’t feel like I deserve better — I feel like I got what I deserve: a crummy book. Other people have beautiful books, or smart books, or funny books. Mine sucks — but it’s the best I can hope for.

I wonder where this relationship is going. Will you be there for me when I really need you — or will you crap out on me in the end, after everything? Will my other relationships/friendships survive this tumultuous affair, or will I alienate everyone else in my life for you? Will I discover that I actually hate you — maybe when I’m standing over you with a bloody knife? Or will you keep me at your beck and call forever?

Oh Book, I really, really want to break up.