First: Be friended over Facebook by someone you knew, but not terribly well, in high school. Have standard “whatcha been up to” FB reunion. Exchange usual insubstantial FB messages over the course of many months.

Second: Learn that Friend will be in your town for a business trip. Arrange to have lunch.

Third: Lunch — nice, a little uncomfortable. Realize that you haven’t seen or spoken to Friend in almost 20 years and you have almost nothing in common. A few awkward pauses. Leave thinking maybe people who knew each other in high school are not meant to be friends as adults.

Fourth: Receive a long, crazy message over FB from Friend in which s/he declares to have unsettled business with you from high school, including continued “feelings” and “lusts,” and professes a desire to revisit these issues — to discuss what might have been or might still be. Wonder what the hell has given Friend the belief that such declarations are welcomed or, you know, not totally fucking insane.

To be continued …