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From my email in-box this morning, edited for content:
Dear Ms. BSG,
My name is Stu Dent and I am a graduate student of Related Field at Random University in Major City. I am writing a research paper on Broad Historical Topic and came across your article on Jstor. I wanted to know if you could brief me on the Another Broad Historical Topic as well as Even Broader Topic. I know this is a lot to ask so if you are unable to answer these questions that’s fine.
Thank-you for considering,
Stu Dent
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Shall I enumerate all the ways this email pisses me off?
1) “Ms. BSG.” You are going to write me an email that cites my scholarship and asks for me to freely dispense my knowledge, but not address me by my professional title?
2) “Your article.” Which one, you lazy little bastard? I’ve actually written many articles on this topic — indeed, it is the subject of my (maybe one day forthcoming) book. You have the time to look up my email address but not to look more closely at my CV and see that I have several publications that may be relevant to your research?
3) “You could brief me.” Sure! It’s super-duper easy to sum up this very complex historical issue — not to mention all the literary and cultural implications — in an email. And, I’m totally happy to do that for you, even though you are a complete stranger, I have my own students lined up outside my office door to get help on their papers, and a few hundred other responsibilities right now. I can’t wait to “brief” you!
4) “I know this is a lot to ask so if you are unable to answer these questions that’s fine.” Gee, thanks. I appreciate your understanding that this might be a completely inappropriate request. But, don’t let that stop you from making it!
I’m really tempted to do some research on Stu Dent, find out which professors s/he is working with, and drop them a friendly email about their student’s research methods.
How did we come to this, people?
To the individual who navigated to my blog by typing the following query, “is being a professor stressful?” …
Um, yes.
Very.
Thanks for your concern.
To the individual who navigated to my blog by typing the following query, “is it finacially worth it to get a phd” …
The answer is NO.
And, I add with tender regard for your future prospects, especially if you can’t spell.
