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The hardest part is returning home.
“Axiom 1: People are different from each other.
It is astonishing how few respectable conceptual tools we have for dealing with this self-evident fact. A tiny number of inconceivably coarse axes of categorization have been painstakeningly inscribed in current critical and political thought: gender, race, class, nationality, sexual orientation are pretty much the available distinctions. They, with the associated demonstrations of the mechanisms by which they are constructed and reproduced, are indispensable, and they many indeed override all or some other forms of difference and similarity. But the sister or brother, the best friend, the classmate, the parent, the child, the lover, the ex-: our families, loves, and enmities alike, not to mention the strange relations of our work, play, activism, prove that even people who share all or most of our own positionings along these crude axes may still be different enough from us, and from each other, to seem like all but different species.”
from Epistemology of the Closet (U California P, 1992), p. 22
Still brilliant, breathtaking, and urgent — after all of these years.
Last night I began mentally composing a post that would have begun, “Tonight my heart is breaking …”
Today, I can begin this post with, “I am so relieved …”
Last night, one of my cats ran away. It was late and I had just taken the dog out. When we were coming back inside, suddenly the cat — let’s call him Wild Boy — ran outside. This is extremely unusual behavior. Wild Boy is a cat who loves his comforts. He was once a feral cat and he appreciates the benefits of domestic life. He’s never before tried to bolt the front door. My other cat is a major door-bolter, so I’m accustomed to keeping out an eye for him, but not Wild Boy. Last night, however, Wild Boy not only ran right out the door but off the porch and into the dark before I could even organize my thoughts to say, “Hey, come back here!”
I should mention: both my cats are inside only; Wild Boy has never been in our back yard. Ever.
Here’s the little bugger in his glory:
It was late. I was tired. It was very dark. And, to make the whole experience all the more interesting, our house is surrounded by woods. Not miles and miles of woods but a pretty good little stand of trees with some rocky hills, a creek bed, and lots of uneven places to step when your clambering around in the dark trying to find your lost cat. Naturally, I couldn’t find a working flashlight and, oh did I mention?, Golden Boy is out of town, so I got to embark on this search all on my own.
Initially, I caught a glimpse of Wild Boy but, of course, if I went towards him, he ran away — aren’t cats just the most perverse creatures? I was so frantic, I kept going towards him even when I knew I shouldn’t and the last I saw of him he was disappearing down a hillside and into the creek bed (thankfully dry).
Hysterical doesn’t quite capture my emotions last night. I was guilt-ridden, exhausted, terrified … I spent a long time looking for Wild Boy, a longer time sitting in the kitchen with all the doors of the house open and plates of wet cat food in every doorway, before I finally made myself go to bed. I knew I had to get up and teach in the morning — but, of course, I couldn’t sleep and spent the whole night tossing and turning, imagining all sorts of terrible traumas befalling my little kitty.
In the morning, I searched again but finally had to go teach my classes. I rushed home afterwards and spent more time standing in the yard, calling the cat and wondering what to do. I was a mess.
Then, this afternoon, I finally found him. He was underneath a shed in our back yard. I had looked under it earlier but hadn’t seen him. Imagine my relief. To make a long story short, I was able, after quite a bit of coaxing, to lure him inside and now he’s curled up in his regular spot in the bed — dirty but otherwise unaffected by his big night out.
What do you think he was up to? What do you think made him decide, “Hey, tonight I think I want to go outside for the very first time”? It’s all very strange.
This is one of those experiences that, in retrospect, seems so insignificant. Wild Boy is safe, everything’s ok, nothing to worry about. But, last night, just for a little while, I travelled down that terrible road when you realize that your family is not immune from danger, that the people and animals you love are not immortal, and that you are not infallible. It was a short journey for me, but an instructive one nonetheless.
Wild Boy, I welcome you back, you little pain in my ass adorable baby.
I’ve been remiss in responding to the award meme going around. I was nominated by both Dr. Curmudgeon and Squatratomagico — and I’m still wondering how I ever got into such good company. Thanks to both of you!
Here’s how it works:
- Please put the logo of the award (above) on your blog if you can make it work with your format.
- Link to the person from whom you received the award.
- Nominate 7 or more blogs.
- Put the links of those blogs on your blog.
- Leave a message on their blogs to tell them
Logo, check. Links, check. But, um … seven or more blogs??? By this late date, every blog I read and every blogger I love has already been nominated — or so it seems. But, I’m going to do my best to participate.
Here, in no particular order, are 5 blogs that I have only recently begun to read. So, I’m adapting the category of this meme a little bit to identify blogs I really like but don’t know that well, yet. Here’s to building new, virtual friendships:
Adjunct Whore at Professing Narratives (who I see was also tagged by Dr. Curmudgeon, so cheers!)
And, for good measure, I’m going to mention Disenchanted Youth, who I’ve been reading for a while, but who deserves a tip o’ the hat for her photo essay on attending the inauguration — which made me appreciate having watched it from the comfort of a warm classroom with padded seats.
Good reading, everybody!
It’s that time of year, when thoughts turn to the frantic question of “what the hell am I going to do about xmas gifts??” I am a notorious scrooge when it comes to the xmas holidays. I’ve lobbied many times to have my family either forgo gift giving or to ignore the holidays altogether. I dream of travelling to a non-Christian, non-western country in late December, the kind of place where people treat Dec. 25 like any other day.
But, I live in the US and my family and friends — even the non-Christian ones, even the Jewish ones! — celebrate xmas and expect me to do so as well. So, I cave in to the gift-giving pressure but I also make an effort to shop well and give thoughtfully.
In my opinion, the best holiday gifts meet the following criteria:
• Cost very little. I strive to break the cycle of consumerism by not buying into (heh heh) the idea that the best gifts are the ones that cost more.
• Involve very little material expense or waste. In other words, very little natural resources or artificial materials had to go into either the production, distribution, or packaging of the item.
• Can be purchased from the maker directly or at least purchased from an independent store owner. I will do just about anything to avoid buying gifts at the big box stores or from any corporate entity.
• Are made from organic, natural, non-toxic, or locally produced materials. I put this one last because it’s the hardest criteria to satisfy — especially if you are also trying to spend less money.
My holiday gift to you, my devoted readers, is the following TOP TEN HOLIDAY GIFT IDEAS. (Eat your heart out, Oprah.) I hope that you will share your own gift ideas, especially those that fit the above criteria, either in the comments or on your own blogs. (Please link to this post so I can see what you have to say!) I should add that most of the ideas are for adults; I don’t really have a clue what to give children — especially since it seems that kids these days (insert grumpy shaking of fist here) only want gadgets with lots of lights and sound effects.
1. The gift of activity. This is my favorite gift to give and to receive. Rather than give an object — another thing to own or dispose of — give the gift of an experience: movie tickets, tickets to a concert or play, membership at a museum or arboretum, a few yoga classes, music lessons, a massage, a reservation at the handball court, etc. Now, this gift can certainly be costly — depending on the event or location — but it also involves the least waste of material goods and the highest likelihood of enjoyment.
2. Restocking the spice rack. Everyone knows that you are supposed to replace your dried herbs and spices every year but, yeah right, who does that? I tend to hold onto dried herbs and ground spices for years, until they lose all semblance of flavor. So, how about giving a selection of standard cooking herbs (basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme) and spices (cinnamon, coriander, curry)? If you buy in bulk at your local Whole Foods (or equivalent) or at the farmer’s market (if you are so lucky), you can package the herbs/spices yourself in nice — and recyclable! — packaging.
3. Magazine subscription. The gift that keeps giving throughout the year. Every month your friend/family member will be reminded how wonderful you are. A nice and easily recyclable gift.
4. Going green gift. Almost all of us are in the process of going more green but the shift over from conventional ways to more environmentally friendly ones can be expensive. So, give basic green items to help. For example, we all know that we’re supposed to stop using plastic containers for storing food (you knew that right?) and start using glass. Give the gift of some pretty glass food containers like these at the Container Store or these by Pyrex. Or give a bottle of Dr. Bonner’s Liquid Soap and an empty spray bottle for mixing a safe home cleaner. (For more ideas of “green gifts,” check out TreeHugger’s Holiday Gift Idea List.)
5. Books from Persphone Books. This independent press in London reprints popular “middle-brow” fiction from the early 20th C, mostly by women. The books are exquisitely made with reproductions of fabric patterns on the endpages. Not only are they beautiful objects, the novels themselves are a revelation — strange, quirky, and incredibly fun.
6. Textiles. There is just about nothing better than a soft, sensuous scarf or hat made from a fine (or even organic!) textile. If you are not crafty yourself, visit your local yarn shop where you might find items for sale. You can also do some online shopping at Redneck Mother’s Crafty Mother’s Corner.
7. Cookbooks. Talk about a gift with almost endless happiness attached. For a small expense, you can guarantee many days of good eating (if the recipient is willing, of course). My suggestion: Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything, pretty much an indispensable contribution to any kitchen.
8. The best book you’ve read this year — something that really meant something to you. And, you should be prepared to explain why, either in your xmas card, a note in the opening of the book, or verbally — a significant part of the gift is the story of its meaning to you. For me, it would be Michael Chabon’s Yiddish Policeman’s Union, which is a stellar piece of storytelling and continues Chabon’s record of being the guy whose novels I am least interested in upon first description (imaginary Jewish settlement in Alaska? No thanks) and yet who always transports and enraptures me.
9. Gifts for pets. If you know anyone who dotes on their pets, speaks about them as their children and to them as if they were children (“aren’t yu da cootiest wittle puppy”), give them a gift for their pet. Speaking as a person who is guilty of telling people at length about my cats’ special diet or my dog’s gastrointestinal issues (yes, I’m one of those), I would take a gift for my pet as a sign that the gift-giver recognized the importance my pets have to me — not to mention the fun I would derive from seeing my animal’s fun. I don’t think any dog can resist the charms of a grunting stuffed hedgehog (like this one). I don’t have any specific recommendations for cats because, of course, they will hate whatever you give them — they’re cats after all.
10. Charitable donation. It takes a special person to receive a charitable donation made in their name as a gift, and not feel slighted about not getting a “real” gift. (Trust me, I’ve given charitable donations to family members who were distinctly cranky about not getting some cheap piece of crap instead.) So, choose wisely. But, if you’ve got a selfless and generous soul in your family/circle of friends, there’s nothing better than giving in their name. If you don’t know them already, Heifer International has made holiday charity easy and appealing. But, there are an infinite number of causes: your local animal shelter, the homeless shelter(s) in your town, Doctors Without Borders, Planned Parenthood, you name it.
While I am at it, let me just add that one of the most distressing thing to me about the holidays is the amount of waste not only in the gifts themselves but in the wrapping paper, bows, cards, and etc. It breaks my heart when I walk through my neighborhood on the trash day after xmas and see piles of garbage bags filled with xmas wrapping — a few minutes of unwrapping pleasure followed by a lifetime in a landfill. So, please: re-usable gift bags (don’t throw them out! save them for next year!), recycled xmas wrapping, no more useless, unnecessary tissue paper (I’m on a personal campaign against the stupidity of tissue paper), creative wrapping like brown paper grocery sacks or left over cereal boxes, or wrap everything in a new kitchen towel that becomes part of the gift. It’s not the wrapping, stupid, it’s the gift that matters.
The specs. You gotta love a smart, funny girl with huge glasses.
It has been a long time — oh, approximately eight years — since I have had faith in this country. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that I have been feeling completely disheartened about where the country was going: premptive wars, conservative social policies, torture, wiretapping … you know the litany. Last night I felt something I’ve been missing: a sense that this country does have the ability to right itself, that my fellow Americans want change as much as I do, that they have looked straight on at all the difficulties we face and chose to do something positive rather than fearful about it.
So, thank you to the 62,932,065 Americans who voted for Obama. Thank you for not being swayed by race-baiting, scare tactics, and smear campaigns. Thank you for recognizing the value of intelligence and vision over hot air and bombast. Thank you for sending a message about this country’s future identity and political philosophy. Thank you for choosing change.
Oh yes we motherfucking can.
I’ve been hearing a lot lately about people dreaming about Obama or the election more generally. Golden Boy, my partner, has had several Obama dreams. I was kidding him about how strange it was that anyone would dream about a presidential candidate — even one that he feels so passionately about. Then, I had my own Obama dream.
I dreamt that Golden Boy and I were good friends with Barack and Michelle, and we saw them again after a long time; I walked up to give my good friend Barack a hug but when I wrapped my arms around him, I realized I only came up to about his waist. I looked up at his towering torso and head far above my own and I said, “Barack, you’ve gotten so tall!”
I love how my none-too-subtle subconscious is trying to capture my feelings about Obama through the imagery of a massive Obama, with me as a child-like figure next to him, looking up admiringly — feeling simultaneously a close kinship with him and an acute sense of awe.
I’ve got my fingers very tightly crossed for the next ten days
Near my house is large, run-down mall. Once upon a time it may have been a nice mall but it’s hit hard times: lots of empty stores, very few customers, a general air of decay and neglect. Basically, it doesn’t have much to offer by way of shopping.
But, it does have a great big empty parking lot. A couple times a year the parking lot gets taken over by traveling fairs — you know, the kind that seem to have Death Trap spelled out in neon lights? I’m always amazed that there are still such fairs and that people still go to them — at least enough to keep them in business.
Also, there is a yearly circus that unfolds its tents in the mall parking lot.
I know that the circus is in town because, as I drive on the highway right by the mall, I look over and there, standing in the parking lot, are two elephants. They are underneath a small tent but it’s open on all sides so the elephants are plainly viewable.
I can’t even express the heart-pain it gives me to see these creatures in this environment. The image is burned into the retinas of my eyes: the small space of the tent, the way they just stand there, their heads bent, the blue plastic tarp over their heads, the asphalt beneath their feet.
The absolute wrongness of their location is maddening to me — and, I suspect, to them.
Animal rights activists are always accused of over sentimentalizing animals — so I won’t talk about the fact that elephants are incredibly intelligent creatures, that they have demonstrated a capacity for deep emotion and memory. I won’t mention that their ability to implement their circus “routines” might be further evidence of their ability to not just learn but to think and feel.
No matter what, they don’t deserve to be standing in the mall parking lot. Surely we can all agree?
My heart is broken for them.
Elephants as they should be.
Okay, I feel like a cheeseball for linking this but, what can I say? I had a rare and precious burst of affection for humanity while watching this. Resist if you can.
